Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
