Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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