Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
