dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
