She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
