Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
