No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
