wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
