I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
