please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
