yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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