he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
