I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
