just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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