Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just cut my nipple shaving
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize