I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
