so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
