Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize