Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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