I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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