dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You can't motorboat a personality
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
