Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
