but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
