We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
