he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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