Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
