I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
