Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
