The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
