she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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