She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
