that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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