I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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