Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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