This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
