'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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