you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
