shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
