i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Randomize
