on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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