Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
