We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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