$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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