someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
