Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
