So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize