I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
