Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
