I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
