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My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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