You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
