Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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