she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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