her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
one might say we're banned from that church
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
worst night to have a conscience
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
