My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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