I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
