If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
