he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
