Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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