your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
literally had 100 drinks last night.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize