I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
