I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
