apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
