Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
