It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
no, he came in my armpit
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I have peed in a lot of sinks
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
