She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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