The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
