so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
