y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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