i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
