Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm sobbing to NWA
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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