if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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