After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
