His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
