I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
