all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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