He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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