I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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