It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
