Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
