Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
