On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
