Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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