dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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