im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
