Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
