The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize