I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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