I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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