How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
