he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
